I think I learn my life lessons through movies. And life but mainly movies. I think as I was watching Celeste & Jesse, it made me look back at a lot of things I had done. I think that I always have a tendency to want to be right. To have things my way but maybe it should be fixed. I replay parts of my life and catch myself repeating those same scenes as in the movie. Me thinking i’m better, me trying to be right constantly when sometimes I had no clue what I was saying. I felt like I understood her when she told Jesse that she pushed him because I felt I did. But at the same time it was because I felt like I knew more, that I did more. And when he was happy I was upset because I didn’t understand HOW! When he didn’t have no life plan, didn’t know what he wanted to be, was taking classes that I know he was going to have trouble with, and yet he was happy. I wasn’t upset because he had found somebody and I didn’t because honestly I have trouble picturing me with anybody.(Idk it seems weird). I think I was more upset because I was wrong. I knew he was a great person but for me those things were always in the back of my head reminding me to push him so he will get better. I thought I was doing it for him but maybe I was doing it more for me. And yet he found someone, someone who saw those great qualities that I saw but didn’t need those changes. And maybe I don’t have to be right. I remember this guy I like telling me that I couldn’t always have my way and that there wasn’t a reason for me to be upset because he could not come out. And maybe he was right. I don’t know, life is confusing. And I am kind of glad i’m not with somebody or planning any time soon because there is still so many things I am learning about myself.

I think my first step would be telling my best friend that I am genuinely happy for him. I think he has a girlfriend, i’m not sure but he deserves it. He really does after what he has been through he really does. And I think i’ve been too pissed about whats been happening to me to be happy for him when I should be.

He’s back and im glad. I need this. I needed the motivation, and im glad to have my push back to wake me up. 6 months has been too long, he’s been missed.